Men are no Dogs

On a lazy rainy morning, I was caught up in one those absolutely pointless but nonetheless amusing thoughts. The opposite sex and the love-hate relation we share with them. Yes the quintessential Male Friends or if you prefer Sheldon Cooper’s lingo, boy/friend(s).

He could be the childhood pal, the one you met during your teens, the one you felt comfortable with during graduation, the one who befriended you during later years of study, the one who was more than a colleague and the list is endless. The only thing common to all these blokes is that you never quite considered Him to be ‘the man of your dreams’ and yet He never was just another friend (and in some cases that is what He would like to believe).

You can perhaps live with this knowledge not withstanding the moments of confusion and vulnerability. But more often than not He messes it up and how!

It just got me thinking. How these Male Friends act like certain interesting characters from the Animal Kingdom we learnt about during those Biology classes in school. Here’s my list.

The Leech:

He for one was never that special to you. But he just took a ‘friendly liking’ towards you. He would strike up a conversation which perhaps never interested you, give you missed calls more often than not in the year 2004-2005, avail of message packs and send you clichéd forwarded messages day in day out by the end of 2008-09, call at odd hours just to ask ‘what’s up’ a year later and graduate to Whatsapp a couple more years later! You cannot, yes cannot avoid him. After all you are his ‘good friend’.

The Hermit Crab:

You meet him at the tuitions or a coaching centre. He is rather shy and yet when you flop on the chair right beside him, all disheveled from the rough bus ride he gives you a small grin and offers water. He looks for chances to talk. He’s funny, cute and courteous. He sips on chai with you at the road side tea stall and never lets you pay. One fine day he finds enough confidence to ask you out for coffee and then lunch. When you want clear ramifications of what you share with him, he suddenly withdraws and becomes aloof much like the hermit crab who takes refuge under empty mollusks!

The Peacock:

He will floor you with his flamboyance and charm. Every moment with him is impulsive, crazy, random and memorable. He will go out of his way to make you feel special and yet he can’t quite be the boyfriend minus the slash (/). Worse still, it is him who refrains rather than you for he has got his fair share of female brigade and doesn’t want to ‘complicate’ things with you. And yet when you move on and find someone else who feels ‘right’, his plumes fall and he’s terribly morose.

The Pet who becomes the Lizard:

Now I am not sure if this is an apt comparison. But the best one I could come up with. You know him for ages. He knows almost everything about you. You can confide in him and gossip for hours on end. Sometimes you both have moments of confusion but they don’t last. Oddly enough, after years of friendship he starts acting like a libidinous lizard! No matter how hard you try to make him see reason, he just won’t listen until you pull yourself away.

The Horses:

It’s Them and not He. I could have said Dogs but then these days there’s so much debate about Dogs being better then Men! So Horses it is. They probably never confuse you; neither do they suffer from confusions themselves. They are always the loyal, faithful and indulgent friends and you are lucky to have them by your side.

Well these are the ones I have had the (mis)fortune to know and grow with. Do you have any others in mind? Suggestions from both the genders are welcome.

Disclaimer: I have no intention to hurt anyone’s sentiments. The above ‘stereotypes’ are entirely the work of a predominantly idle mind. I hope it is taken in the right spirit.


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